Old Review: Night of the Zombies

You know, I never claimed to be the brightest guy in the world. In fact, I may just be right above Jim Varney. Anyway, I just saw this 4 days ago and I can’t remember if this is the name of the movie or not. I’ll go back and check, but I figured I’d point out my idiocy to you all.

Anyway, on to the movie. This is your basic, Italian zombie movie. Only, they didn’t have much money for special effects, and they didn’t have much money for film, and they really didn’t have much money for actors either. I say this for several reasons. 1) There is more gratuitous usage of stock footage than even an Ed Wood movie. I think they managed to get ahold of a national geographic special on tribes and junk. Because they aren’t picky, there are pygmies, aborigines, massai warriors… you name it. But they are all supposed to be one group. 2) The zombies are just people with black-face on. Unless they are black, in which case they have blue-face one. I swear I am not making this up. 3) In a scene with a device that is measuring something or other, the readings go “off the scale”. This is accomplished by the actor carrying the device. He merely turns the little knob by the needle and makes it go “off the scale”. This was actually pretty dang funny. The plot is simple, zombies, tribal anarchy, eco-terrorists, mother earth revolting, the military and the press. Doesn’t that all sound like it should fit together? Heh heh… blew my mind I tell you. There was nudity in this movie though… just a touch. For some reason, the heroine in the movie decides she needs to strip naked and paint her body, to better relate to the natives… They still tried to eat her. You may be wondering what this all has to do with the Apocalypse? Well, that’s fair enough I guess. You see, the earth is mad, so it makes a nuclear power facility (or some such junk) leak poisonous gas. This gas makes everyone turn into zombies and eat the living. Pretty soon, almost everyone is dead. OK.. it’s weak, but I’m still counting it.
Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. ;)

P.S. No, I didn’t link the wrong movie. This movie is apparently also known as Virus, Zombie Creeping Flesh and Hell of the Living Dead.


Boy, I bet if you had to guess, you wouldn’t even think I knew where the furrin section was in the video store. Well, I guess we are both wrong. Delicatessen has become my new favorite post-apocalyptic movie of all time. It adds so much to the “genre”. (See, I’m even usin fancy words and junk.) Here is just a taste.

First of all, it’s interesting that there seems to be some vestiges of civilization left. I think that’s pretty realistic. Then, the goofy stuff they add completely makes it. The troglodytists or whichever. They reminded me of the cursed earth mutates in Judge Dredd comics… wait… I’m getting this mixed up. I think there are real troglodyte characters in Judge Dredd too… Anyway, the images in this movie make it supreme.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know anything about camera angles, lighting or whatever. All’s I know is that these guys knew what they were doing. Everything had this hyper-real color to it. When they’d show the butcher’s face and evil grin… it looked perfect.
This movie had many images and ideas in it that (As far as I know) have never been done before. I mean, filling a bathroom with water to escape an angry mob? A big group of civilized happy cannibals? A man who lives half submerged in water with an army of frogs and snails? I’d like to meet someone who didn’t care for this movie. Just so’s I could punch them in the face.
Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. ;)

Delicatessen (Special Edition)
Delicatessen (Special Edition)

Damnation Alley

Damnation Alley is one wacky monster of a movie.  It stars both Jan-Michael Vincent (the guy from Airwolf) and George Peppard (Hannibal from the A-team).  In fact, you can just mash both of those old TV shows together, substitute a tank machine for the Airwolf, keep Hannibal exactly the same and you’ve got Damnation Alley. But, I’m not saying that it’s all bad. Good mixes of giant scorpions and killer cockroaches keeps it interesting.
My favorite part of the movie was when they are in Las Vegas. Thank god it wasn’t destroyed! Anyway, they have these quarters and nickels and start playing slots like mad. I get shaky just thinking about it. See, there are casinos here and I think I’m addicted… so I went cold turkey. Ugh. I also figured out another valuable lesson to surviving the apocalypse.
LESSON: If you are traveling across the barren wasteland, that is the post-apocalyptic United States, in a giant killer tank-van, then keep this in mind. Every other time you stop the van, something bad will happen. The other times will prolly be to pick up freeloaders. In this movie, this lesson was pointed out as follows.
Stop 1: Nerdy guy dies.
Stop 2: Las Vegas, freeloader chick hops on.
Stop 3: Soul man eaten alive by giant mormon cochroaches.. heh.
Stop 4: Pick up little kid. (freeloader)
Stop 5: Stop at evil gas station, attacked by hicks.
Stop 6: Have a nice dinner outside.
etc. etc. etc. Anyway, it’s good. Well, it’s at least o.k. I still miss B.A. Baracus.

Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉

Damnation Alley (1977)
Damnation Alley (1977)

Old Review: Zombie

I know Zombie can mean many different movies, but the one I’m talking about was directed by the Italian guy, Fulci. He’s a real master. I heard it was also released as Zombie 2 and it was known as a sequel to Dawn of the Dead in Italy. I dunno if any of that is true. Anyway, I saw this a while back when I was watching Zombie movies like I eat goldfish crackers. I was just reminded by a friend yesterday that it was post-apocalyptic… So here goes.
Very Dawn of the Dead-ish. Zombies eating humans. Brain shots the only way to kill them. It basically has our heroes (a group of whiners) stuck on an island with a bunch of dying natives and more zombies. I never will understand the Zombie/Jungle combination… but i’ve seen it in lots of movies. The best part of this movie has a Zombie underwater, fighting a shark. Can you believe that. It’s a real shark too I think. The shark would try and bite the zombie and the zombie would return in kind. Fantastic!
I can’t remember who the special effects guy was on this movie, but he made it. There’s a real famous scene that all the kids in the horror circles talk about. Mia Farrow’s sister is looking for her husband, and happens upon a zombie. She runs from him and closes the door on him. He smashes his hand through the door and there is a big splinter of wood. Then the zombie grabs her head and slowly pulls it toward the splinter. You watch the splinter actually puncture the eye. I don’t know how they did it. It was gross.
Anyway, what does this all have to do with the apocalypse? Well, of course noone can stop the zombies, so they make it on a boat and get to America. The last scene has them all shambling over the Brooklyn Bridge. The End.

Zombie (1980)
Zombie (1980)

Editor’s Note: Hmm.. I was corrected on this one. Apparently the eyegouge chick wasn’t Tisa Farrow, it was Olga Karlatos. I know, I know, you don’t give a rat’s ass. Well, believe me, there are some people out there who get pissed.

Additional Editor’s Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉