Old Review: The Stand

I’m not sure I’m qualified to review The Stand yet, as I’ve only seen part I. But, it sucked so bad that I feel safe to say that the whole movie is gonna bite. The characters were some of the lamest stuff I’d ever seen. It’s like they had a big barrel full of lousy stereotypes and they just picked at random.
I admit that I liked the fact that it was apocalypse by disease instead of nuclear war, But that was the only thing that kept me going. Well… that and Molly Ringwald. Grrrrrr.
People keep telling me that the book is really super great, but I wouldn’t know because I am illiterate. But for that reason, I won’t slam the movie too hard. But, unless it is $.50 at the Video Store… then get something good like “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls“.
O.K. I finally finished the other part of this movie. If it is any indication what the end of the world is going to be like, I’m gonna kill myself. If they pay you $2.00 to rent this movie, don’t take it. It’s 6 hours of your life you will never have back. Think about it. That is 12 episodes of the Simpsons. Here is what makes you watch it, though. After tape 1) Hmm… Pretty crappy, but maybe it gets better in tape 2? After tape 2) I hate life and this idiot movie. But then again, maybe it gets better in the second half. After tape 3) Man, I’m really ruined now… there is no chance of this being good, but I’ve already wasted 4 1/2 hours of my life. Might as well screw it all up.

Stephen King Gift Set (The Langoliers / The Stand / Golden Years)
Stephen King Gift Set (The Langoliers / The Stand / Golden Years)

Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉