Post Apocalyptic Movie Mania

Fort Zombie (the $10 video game)

So, it looks like Kerberos Studios is going to make “Fort Zombie” available before Halloween. It’s going to be released on Friday the 30th and it looks pretty decent. I’m getting a pretty strong Resident Evil vibe, but I’m not complaining. Especially because it’s only $10. Take a looksee and see whatcha think.

Old Review: Zombie

I know Zombie can mean many different movies, but the one I’m talking about was directed by the Italian guy, Fulci. He’s a real master. I heard it was also released as Zombie 2 and it was known as a sequel to Dawn of the Dead in Italy. I dunno if any of that is true. Anyway, I saw this a while back when I was watching Zombie movies like I eat goldfish crackers. I was just reminded by a friend yesterday that it was post-apocalyptic… So here goes.
Very Dawn of the Dead-ish. Zombies eating humans. Brain shots the only way to kill them. It basically has our heroes (a group of whiners) stuck on an island with a bunch of dying natives and more zombies. I never will understand the Zombie/Jungle combination… but i’ve seen it in lots of movies. The best part of this movie has a Zombie underwater, fighting a shark. Can you believe that. It’s a real shark too I think. The shark would try and bite the zombie and the zombie would return in kind. Fantastic!
I can’t remember who the special effects guy was on this movie, but he made it. There’s a real famous scene that all the kids in the horror circles talk about. Mia Farrow’s sister is looking for her husband, and happens upon a zombie. She runs from him and closes the door on him. He smashes his hand through the door and there is a big splinter of wood. Then the zombie grabs her head and slowly pulls it toward the splinter. You watch the splinter actually puncture the eye. I don’t know how they did it. It was gross.
Anyway, what does this all have to do with the apocalypse? Well, of course noone can stop the zombies, so they make it on a boat and get to America. The last scene has them all shambling over the Brooklyn Bridge. The End.

Editor’s Note: Hmm.. I was corrected on this one. Apparently the eyegouge chick wasn’t Tisa Farrow, it was Olga Karlatos. I know, I know, you don’t give a rat’s ass. Well, believe me, there are some people out there who get pissed.

Additional Editor’s Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop. I am no longer that person. Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉

5 Ways to Accidentally Start a Zombie Apocalypse

Dan Koelsch over at Movieviral.com just posted this quicky summary of 5 ways in which you might accidentally start a zombie apocalypse. He did a pretty great job. I left a comment reminding him about “Night of the Comet” and I’m pretty sure I’m missing another variant, but it’s too early for my brain to work correctly. The movies he used for inspiration were:

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I’d never actually heard of Redneck Zombies before. Wow. I’m surprised it’s a not a Troma movie.

Emergency Zombie Defense Station

Ok. Two things.

You NEED This
You NEED to become buddies with this guy, right?

Oh wait, I didn’t show you the picture yet. Here ya go:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v303/Blitzkrieg119/1.jpg — Zombie Defense Kit

I know, right? AWESOME! Reading the description of the kit, you find out that there are some surprises:

I really liked the transparent riot shields used in 28 Days Later and I figured, “Why not make the case multi-functional at the same time?” So when the plexi-glass cover is removed it becomes the perfect protection against zombie related carnage and splatter.

Also, in case you’ve never been attacked by zombies before (and you’ve never watch any movies that end with “of the dead”) then there are some handy dandy instructions:

Guest Review: Cherry 2000

Guest Review, mailed in by TomServo96:

As for Cherry 2000 it is a cool movie. This guy from Anaheim works in a factory that recycles stuff. He refuses to go to bars where you show demo tapes of you and someone else getting it on. He goes home to his sex robot Cherry (model 2000). She shorts out after they go at it on the floor and the dishwasher blows up and gets her wet. He goes out into the badlands that are controlled by this self-affirming wacko named Lester. He always tells people “Be Yourself”. Anyway, he is looking for a replacement robot chick that is stored in Las Vegas. He hires Melanie Griffith to take him there. Along the way they fall for each other and he takes her over the robot. (Gee that was predictable huh?) The kind of future isn’t too clear, they mention “border wars” and planes and cars seem difficult to get. Anyway, its great to watch just to see Lester be really friendly and psychotic at the same time and to see Melanie Griffith in tight jeans.

Editor’s Note: This guy has potential, fer sure.

Book Review: Steampunk Zombies of the Seattle Apocalypse

So, it sounds like I might have to re-think this whole illiterate thing that I had going. And not just for the Zombie Survival Guide franchise. I’m reading over the review for Boneshaker, and it sounds like it has it all. Alternate history? Check! Zombies? Check! Pseudo-apocalypse? Check! Steampunks? Check! Although, I could probably do without that last one, but it sounds like it’s done tastefully anyway. I just don’t want to see fat goth guys in top hats and brass goggles. Ladies? Sure!

News: Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

I’ve always had a real love affair with Canada. As a musician, Canada is like Shangri-La. It’s a magical country where everyone is happy and the government pays you to be a musician and go on tour. Ahh… Canada. So, if two Canadian scientists say that we’re doomed (should the zombie apocalypse go down), you better believe they are right. Hell, I bet they got paid for a year to research it, even.

But, don’t take my word for it, read the article here:

Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

Guest Review: Virus (1980) aka Fukkatsu no hi

Guest review by tetsuo:

There are two versions to this film: the first is edited export version in which they cut out most of the Japanese scenes(obviously translating them to English is a hassle) which were about 30 to 40 minutes of the film and the unedited Japanese version. The movie is about a russian virus which is accidentally released and then goes to contaminate the rest of the world, it kills so fast that civilization collapses in a couple of months, the only survivors are those in antartica because the virus becomes dormant in extreme cold temps. From their they learn that there will be an impending earthquake in washington(as to how they found out, I have no idea) and this will automatically launch all the nukes at russia then russia will launch….(you get the idea). This is film is nicely shot and well done, the casting is somewhat biziarre with Chuck Connors playing a british submarine commander! Some scenes here are downright funny such as in the Japanese version, there is a scene featuring virus victims doing the disco(yes the Travolta style) before they drop over, another scene is when a lover of the Japanese guy in antartica tries use a speed boat to get to the north Pole from Japan!(well good luck). There are also two endings for this movie, the good ending is in the Japanese version and the bad ending is the export version(as I watched it when I was in the Phillipines). This movie is supposedly the most expensive Japanese film done(because of all those famous actors), it is well shot and done(it better be worth it). Also watch out for other actors such as Robert Vaugn, Olivia Hussy, Glenn Ford, Edward James Olmos(before Blade Runner), Bo Svenson, Henry Silva(the bad guy from Escape From the Bronx) . Recomended.

Old Review: The Stand

I’m not sure I’m qualified to review The Stand yet, as I’ve only seen part I. But, it sucked so bad that I feel safe to say that the whole movie is gonna bite. The characters were some of the lamest stuff I’d ever seen. It’s like they had a big barrel full of lousy stereotypes and they just picked at random.
I admit that I liked the fact that it was apocalypse by disease instead of nuclear war, But that was the only thing that kept me going. Well… that and Molly Ringwald. Grrrrrr.
People keep telling me that the book is really super great, but I wouldn’t know because I am illiterate. But for that reason, I won’t slam the movie too hard. But, unless it is $.50 at the Video Store… then get something good like “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls“.
O.K. I finally finished the other part of this movie. If it is any indication what the end of the world is going to be like, I’m gonna kill myself. If they pay you $2.00 to rent this movie, don’t take it. It’s 6 hours of your life you will never have back. Think about it. That is 12 episodes of the Simpsons. Here is what makes you watch it, though. After tape 1) Hmm… Pretty crappy, but maybe it gets better in tape 2? After tape 2) I hate life and this idiot movie. But then again, maybe it gets better in the second half. After tape 3) Man, I’m really ruined now… there is no chance of this being good, but I’ve already wasted 4 1/2 hours of my life. Might as well screw it all up.

Stephen King Gift Set (The Langoliers / The Stand / Golden Years)

Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop. I am no longer that person. Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉

The Omega Man

I watched Omega Man one right after I force myself to sit through Metalstorm: the destruction of Jared Syn, which I won’t be reviewing. Some nut told me it was post-apocalyptic, where it’s actually like a cross between Beastmaster and Spacehunter. Just some stupid future movie in outer space. Anyway, I was really down after that… I didn’t wanna watch anymore of these movies. Well, I gave it one more chance and watched The Omega Man. Ahh… sweet bliss.
Here’s what’s good about this one. 1) Apocalypse by plague, 2) Zombie-ish cultists, 3) Charleton Heston as a nutso trigger-happy doctor, 4) the foxy afro lady. Heh heh… dang. Most of the movie is just Chuck wandering through abandoned Los Angeles, shooting and looting. Heck, I could watch that for hours. But then, of course, we get trouble in paradise. Evil anti-tech troglodytes have to muck everything up. But then there are these kids and a sweet-talking soul sister, who is attracted to Chuck for god-knows-why. (the pants I bet)
Anyway, this one is a whopper. Not hard to watch at all. I’ve heard it’s a little slicker than the original, The Last Man on Earth“, with Vincent Price, but that the original is still pretty good. It only gets silly for a moment at the end. Chuck is dead and bleeding into a fountain and he collapses in a christ-pose. Then the movie goes all psychedelic looking. Actually.. that part was o.k. Like I was saying though… this one rates at least in the top ten… I’m glad I got to watch it… because tonight I have to sit through Damnation Alley… ugh.

Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop. I am no longer that person. Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉