New Review: Book of Eli (yup, it pretty much sucked)

In another fantastic example of self-fulfilling prophecy, Book of Eli lived up to all my expectations.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to hate it, but I just couldn’t get my hopes too high.  I mean, it might sound a little hypocritical of me to blast Book of Eli and then lavish high praise on Warriors of the Apocalypse or something similar.  The difference here is that Warriors of the Apocalypse didn’t make any promises that it couldn’t keep.  (Hell, it didn’t make any promises).  What I mean is that if the Hughes Brothers make a post-apocalyptic movie featuring Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Tom Waits, Malcolm McDowell, Jennifer Beals (Flashdance… grrr!) and Ray Stevenson (from Rome) then it better freaking rule.

Book of Eli didn’t freaking rule.  It didn’t even sorta-rule.  There were definitely good moments.  The fight scenes (while being completely ridiculous) were RAD.  But, the movie didn’t give the impression that it was supposed to be taken as fantasy or comic book.  So, these over-the-top fight scenes just felt weird.

Also, I debated long and hard about what to do about the big “reveal” at the end.  The old version of me (the more drunk, less coherent version) would completely ruin the ending for you.  But, I’m not going to do that.  Just let it be said that within the first 10 minutes of the movie I guessed what the reveal would be and then talked myself out of believing it because it was too ridiculous based on what was happening in the movie.

The other problem I had with Book of Eli was the inclusion of Mila Kunis.  I’m sorry, but the voice of Mila Kunis is forever burned into my brain as belonging to Meg from Family Guy.  (Note to budding actors: if you want to do animated shows and continue to act in non-animated format, you should invent a wacky cartoon voice for yourself).

Anyway, maybe I’m getting grouchier as I get older, but there was effectively nothing new about Book of Eli and it didn’t really do any of the old tricks any better than they’ve already been done before.