Book: The New Dead – a zombie anthology

This was another zombie book that I got in the mail and that, again, I failed to review for a few months. On the bright side, I read it right away, I just couldn’t get motivated to post about it. I’m not sure how that makes me feel better, but it does.

Now, brace yourself for a shocking confession. While it is true that I am a voracious reader (reading mainly Hugo and Nebula award winners), I believe this is the first zombie book that I had ever read. This is especially weird considering that I have easily seen over 100 zombie-themed movies. I’m not sure why I was keeping each of the genres separate in their own mediums. I’m sure if you mucked around in my brain you’d figure out that it has something to do with my childhood…. or possibly penises? Anyway, back on track.

The New Dead is a collection of zombie short stories (and one story that doesn’t have anything to do with zombies at all, for some reason). There are 19 stories in the collection and over-all I would say the quality of the stories is above-average. Sure, there are some real clunkers in there (don’t even get me started about “The Zombie Who Fell From the Sky”), but I think there are more winners than clunkers.

For me, some of the real highlights were “Lazarus” by John Connolly and “Closure, Limited” by Max Brooks (you know, the Zombie Survival Guide guy). Probably the biggest surprise was that I actually enjoyed a story by Joe Hill, “Twittering from the Circus of the Dead”, that was actually written in the format of a string of tweets. It sounds goofy, but it was actually pretty entertaining.

Anyway, since I’ve read this anthology, I’ve read Autumn and Dog Blood by David Moody (or maybe I read Dog Blood first?). So, while I might not have an extensive zombie library to compare this to, I’d say it’s a strong zombie book and I enjoyed reading it. Now, where do I find the literary equivalent of Zombie Lord of the Rings? or Zombie Ender’s Game?

Book: Autumn by David Moody

I actually got an advance copy of David Moody‘s Autumn. But, I guess I can’t really brag about that when it took me a few months to post something about it. I’m lazy. We all know it. Let’s move on. I was pretty excited to start this new David Moody adventure because I really enjoyed Dog Blood.

Like Dog Blood, Autumn was a really quick read. You could easily finish it in a day and you will probably want to. However, also like Dog Blood it feels more like a TV show pilot than something meant to stand on its own. It’s definitely a unique take on the classic zombie apocalypse (for example, I don’t believe the word “zombie” ever makes an appearance in the book), but when you finish the book you feel like you just got through setting up all of the characters and the story. Autumn is definitely going to be the start of a series, and I’m sure I’ll give the next book in the series a read. But, I’m hoping that the second installment brings more.

Autumn was sort of like Back to the Future 2. You finish it and then you are sort of unfulfilled because the story never really resolved. You know there is going to be a “part 3”. Hopefully the “Back to the Future 3” equivalent of Autumn won’t have anything to do with the Wild West though. I’m crossing my fingers.

Lucio Fulci’s Zombie vs. Shark used to sell Windows 7?!

WTF.  Seriously.  W T F.  If you had told me 20 years ago that my favorite scene from Lucio Fulci’s Zombie (or Zombi 2, if you are in Europe) was going to be used to try and get me to buy a Microsoft Operating System, I might have choked to death on my own laughter.  Turns out I was the idiot, though.  What’s next?  Will we be seeing clips from Dead Alive used to make commercials for custard?

I mean, I guess I should be psyched, right?  But, it never seems to work that way.  It’s like when I first heard that Shins song used in a McDonalds commercial or the Of Montreal song bastardized to make an Outback Steakhouse commercial.  Sure, you are psyched to hear the song and even psyched for the band because they can probably use the bread.  But, now you are unconsciously associating what was one of your favorite things with some bullshit you don’t need and don’t want probably.  Besides, Lucio Fulci is dead.  So, why commercialize his memory?  Did his kids run out of blow or something?  Oof… sorry.  I’m grouchy today, I guess.

Zombie Blood Energy Potion

Well, it was only a matter of time, right? I mean, let’s face it, RAGE Zombies do seem like they are pretty fit. You know, bustling with energy and vip and vim and vigor. Meanwhile, you are slouched down in your office chair, staring at a screen with barely the energy to stand up and walk over to the vending machine for some swiss cake rolls.

Hmm.. if only there were some way to get all the unbridled energy of the RAGE zombie without all the purification and maggots and whatnot.  Hay, don’t worry friend, we’ve got the solution for you.  Zombie Blood Energy Potion!

Nope, this isn’t a gag.  It’s a freaking nuclear green drink that comes in it’s own IV Bag.  So, I guess it’s like a Capri Sun of Evil, chock full of caffeine and vitamins.  Here, take a peak:

I know what you’re thinking, though. What if I get addicted? How can I stockpile enough of this stuff for the looming apocalypse? No problem. You can actually buy a freaking box of 12 with the display case and everything. Perfect for those zombie-themed all-night rave parties. Or, study groups, if you are a nerd.

Now, if only they made an alcoholic version of this stuff.  I need something to fill the void that Sparks has left in my life.  Sounds like it’s time to brew up some boozed-up bathtub version and get rich!

News: Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

I’ve always had a real love affair with Canada.  As a musician, Canada is like Shangri-La.  It’s a magical country where everyone is happy and the government pays you to be a musician and go on tour.  Ahh… Canada.  So, if two Canadian scientists say that we’re doomed (should the zombie apocalypse go down), you better believe they are right.  Hell, I bet they got paid for a year to research it, even.

But, don’t take my word for it, read the article here:

Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse
Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

Civilization Would Not Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

News: University of Florida’s Zombie Attack Plan

You’d expect the university to have plans and procedures for dealing with hurricanes and other natural disasters.  But, let’s applaud the foresight that it must have taken to draft a plan for dealing with “flesh-eating, apparently life impaired individuals.”  Yup, that’s right, they have a plan for dealing with flesh-eating zombie attack.  Freaking awesome!

Night of the Comet (Guest Review by Patrick Merritt)

Samantha and Regina Belmont, two high school girls with Uzis. Its the end
of the world and all they want to do is go shopping and have a little fun.
However, there’s trouble on the way in the form of mutants, and crazy
scientists. Ah, Night of the Comet. I get cravings to watch this movie. This
movie is truly something I get nostalgic over.The thing that it has going
for it the most is this sense of “Hey the world is over, i can do whatever
the fuck I want and nobody is there to stop me!”. I watched this back when I
was a kid and the thing I remembered the most was Kelli Maroni. This girl
was an 80s B movie queen. She was on this movie, and another 80s popcorn up
all night great Chopping Mall! Now, some may not like it, but this was my
first post apocalyptic movie. I didn’t watch greats like the Mad Max series
till recently(damn I was missing out). Small part great Michael Bowen makes
an appearance, but this dude is Buck as in “Im Buck and I’m here to fuck”
the bride from Kill Bill. Then there is Catherine Mary Stewart, I can’t
think of anything else she’s been on but she sure does look an awful lot
like Linda Hamilton. Then there is Robert Beltran….Chakotay!!!! Oh and
that little asian girl played Gi on Captain Planet.

The intro is like one of those old 50s sci-fi movies, it has a narrator and
some sort of flawed explanation on what is about to happen. This sort of
thing was fading away in the 80s. it was cheesy, but was enough to set up
some events. The intro is a showcase of 80s culture, Regina Belmont is
playing an arcade game trying to have an uncontested score board when she
notices DMK has taken a spot. This sort of has a Back to the Future vibe. On
the other side of things her sister Sam is dealing with her cheating bitch
mother in law while their dad fights in some contra down in Honduras. Most
everybody goes out like lemmings, stare at the commet and get obliterated
like deers in headlights. The only thing left of cheating Doris is red dust!
The poor dog gets it too, and Reggie’s boyfriend quickly gets chomped down by
a mutant zombie. There are some great visuals of the empty city, with its
red dust. Pretty good stuff.

The mall scene was great, looting to great music, and then a mutant attack.
I thought the scientists were great, is it me but is the Dharma initiative
from LOST based on these guys. They wear like the same outfits and the logo
is nearly the same. They are fucking creepy, cold and calculated. That dream
Samantha had in the radio station scared the shit out of me as a kid. You
ever notice in good zombie flicks there is always a kid zombie that pops out
and gets killed. Dawn of the Dead 78′ had it, Night of the Comet had it, and
so did 28 Days Later. The movie wraps up nicely when we find out who DMK is.
“Great Car!” “Thanks! I have 23 of them”…”The burden of Civilization is on
us, okay?” “Oh, yeah. Bitching, isn’t it?” I’m pretty surprised this movie
got slammed by other reviewers. I would pretty much put it in the same
category in quality as Def Con 4, another great B post apocalyptic movie.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Night of the Comet (1984) Starring: Robert Beltran, Catherine Mary Stewart Director: Thom Eberhardt
Night of the Comet (1984) Starring: Robert Beltran, Catherine Mary Stewart Director: Thom Eberhardt

Note: The “other reviewers” in this guest review refers to yours truly.  In my defense, I must have been drunker than usual when I originally reviewed Night of the Comet.  I’ll re-post my original review soon and then I promise to re-watch this gem and review it properly…. slightly sober.