Old Review: The Stand

I'm not sure I'm qualified to review The Stand yet, as I've only seen part I. But, it sucked so bad that I feel safe to say that the whole movie is gonna bite. The characters were some of the lamest stuff I'd ever seen. It's like they had a big barrel full of lousy stereotypes and they just picked at random.
I admit that I liked the fact that it was apocalypse by disease instead of nuclear war, But that was the only thing that kept me going. Well... that and Molly Ringwald. Grrrrrr.
People keep telling me that the book is really super great, but I wouldn't know because I am illiterate. But for that reason, I won't slam the movie too hard. But, unless it is $.50 at the Video Store... then get something good like "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls".
O.K. I finally finished the other part of this movie. If it is any indication what the end of the world is going to be like, I'm gonna kill myself. If they pay you $2.00 to rent this movie, don't take it. It's 6 hours of your life you will never have back. Think about it. That is 12 episodes of the Simpsons. Here is what makes you watch it, though. After tape 1) Hmm... Pretty crappy, but maybe it gets better in tape 2? After tape 2) I hate life and this idiot movie. But then again, maybe it gets better in the second half. After tape 3) Man, I'm really ruined now... there is no chance of this being good, but I've already wasted 4 1/2 hours of my life. Might as well screw it all up.

Stephen King Gift Set (The Langoliers / The Stand / Golden Years)
Stephen King Gift Set (The Langoliers / The Stand / Golden Years)

Note: This original review was written sometime during 1996-1997, when I was a drunken, twenty-something nincompoop.  I am no longer that person.  Or, that is to say, I am in my thirties now. 😉

5 thoughts on “Old Review: The Stand”

  1. The Stand is still my favorite post-apocalyptic novel of all time. You’re mostly right about the quality of the mini-series, but I still enjoyed it since a lot of the scenes were straight out of the book, and matched the way it looked in my mind’s eye.

    So yeah, once you get over that illiterate thing, you should give it a read. I last read it about 15 years ago, but just started it again myself yesterday.

  2. Ok. I’ll give it a read. Since I first posted that review, I went from being mainly illiterate to now trying to read everything that’s ever won the Hugo. That said, it’s hard to squeeze in time for non-Hugo award winners, but I’ll make an exception here. 😉

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  3. Give the book a try. Or are you reading it already? If not you’ll probably find the first 300 pages to be the most interesting. I’m talking about the expanded or 1990 edition. Those 300 pages build up to the apcolypse, cover the collapse and then the immediate aftermath. There are a couple memorable sequences involving the Lincoln tunnel and one of the characters in a goverment research center. However if you enjoy meat and potatoes of a plague apocalypse stay away from the original 1978 edition. That version is probably four hundred pages shorter and the apocalypse is very truncated.

    However there are aspects to the original edition that I prefer.

    The mini-series seemd edgy back in 94. My wife and I were living in Germany in 94 (courtesy of Uncle Sam) and a friend recorded the entire mini-series and sent it to me. At the time it seemd to pack a wallop. Perhaps because we were so far from home. Admittedly it’s become fairly creaky, but I own the two disc version and I still occassionaly watch it.

    You know I remember coming across your original site back in 97. I didn’t even own a computer then and a cell phone was something that goverment agents and actors used.

    But my friend (and best man at my wedding) was/is a techno geek from hell. He had Internet access as early as 92. I believe in 97 he would have had a 56K modem which seemed lighting fast. Anyway I do recall your sight. You cracked me up, but are congratulations in order for becoming a little healthier? Or is that a sore topic?

  4. You know, I’ve always meant to read the book. Sounds like I need to get my hands on it. I hear its good. That’s crazy that you visited the site back in the “the old days”. Heh. The only difference between then and now is I’m slightly more well-read, and slightly less drunk. Heh.

  5. Yeah you’ll probably like it for the most part. I tell people that the parts are better than the total. It’s a read though. Something like 1,100 pages. Enjoy.

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